My Heart’s Eyes Opened

Ah, the sweet joy of my heart, as it beats and flutters once more, what I had lost is back 2 fold, I give thanks to my God for it is He who has restored.
This beauty before me, is beyond what I’ve seen, a bright light in the darkest of rooms, and a flower in it’s bloom.
Just by looking on I have found my joy, so if nothing else comes from this… I will still find bliss.
I cannot be lost, not while you are near the sweet sound of your voice is like an angel’s whisper into my ear.
Once again I am caught up on a person, but I can’t imagine you not being worth it, even though I know you can’t be perfect.
But still, my heart overflows at the prospect of you, new life is within me, and all because of that smile that made me see.

Ramblings About Love

My heart used to flutter at every romantic song and movie. With each heartfelt line of love I would be filled with hope for my own future. What pains has this world put me through though that now those child like eyes have stopped seeing hope and only see romance as something that is likely to just end in great pain? I have learned through trial and error that proper happiness is hard to find within another. It becomes hard to convince one’s self that love is worth fighting for when most of one’s fights have been with love.

I have fought against love until I was blue in the face. I have written poem after poem, but still to no avail; I did not understand love.

Love is the very force that makes one’s heart desire to keep beating but yet the same force causes one’s heart to want to stop and never beat again. Love is a dangerous destructive force with the strength to take down the world… but still my heart cries out for love.

I in saying all these terrible things about love have to stop to explain that I speak only of human love. Love can be so undeniably pure, but in the form we so often find it in it only tears apart. Love is meant to build up, to make one whole, to give purpose to an otherwise purposeless life. Love is so boundlessly vital to our existence that we must make sure to understand it the best that we can.

I cannot imagine living the rest of my life without love but yet I cannot fathom going through any more pain. My heart has ached so deeply in the past that I never thought id recover. Now, that I am quite well off I don’t know that I ever really did recover. I have reached a point of fear for love, I wish not to seek it and often wish to avoid it.

Now I reach my point, I believe I have found the purpose behind my pain and tribulations. Had I not acquired such a distaste for this human romantic love, I never would have stopped to realize all the flaws. I never would have looked to God to sustain me, I would have looked to a woman instead. I could be so lost right now, had I not been through such pain and so many mistakes.

Now in my wisdom I have discovered that the only way to find love is to not seek it. True love is a wild fire in the heart caused by a single spark that nobody could expect. The blue prints for love were in front of me the whole time, but I ignored them still. I had to find my own words, my own experiences, and I had to create my own answer.

Sometimes as I have learned humans just don’t have it in them to learn unless through brute force of life teaching them the lesson. The Bible clearly tells me the definition of love in many different ways, plenty enough to make me understand, yet I ignored it and searched on my own.

I have found love, many years ago. I have had love all along in its truest purest form. The love I have from God is beyond reason, unexplainable, unfailing, always forgiving, never giving up on you, never leaving you, I will die for you, and Ill give it all up for you kind of love. God gives us the world without us giving Him a thing he deserves in return.

God’s love refuses to back down and once we embrace that love everything will come to light. We don’t know how to find love and while sometimes it works out the easiest most painless way to find true love is to find love with God, follow Him, and let the rest come naturally. We need not worry, God did not plan for man to be alone, woman was made for our perfect partnership, to bring us joy, companionship, and fulfillment.

So, in conclusion look to God as hard as you can and when someone else shows up staring up at Him with that same admiration, you will know. God hears the cries of your heart and will deliver unto you someone to make you happy for all your days in due time. Trust God and you will surpass the pains of love to find that which God has set out for you. Now take to mind that it still will not be easy, love is a constant project that you must work on with your partner. The challenge will often feel hard but the reward will always be greater. Love is never to be taken lightly, it is one of the greatest gifts this life has to offer, but in order to find it one must be patient and look to God to sustain.

1 Corinthians 13 New International Version (NIV)
1 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

A Pen For A War

Let pen be grasped as sword, for this battle, and this war.

I fight for freedom that was given unto me, I fight for others, so that they may see.

My eyes have opened up wide so that I would finally see this world, beat down,
broken, but so loved by my Lord.

This brokenness I find, God has made it my purpose to fill the cracks with gold, because beautifully broken is how I see it all, with the eyes of my soul.

So I live this life for God, taking Him with me on every step of the way, my God is a clear path that the world cannot sway.

I will follow this path until the end of my days, for my Lord has restored me, so in Him I shall stay.

I claim these words for God that some would read and be saved, the Lord of creation loves you, and so His son for YOU He gave.

Salvation is in your grasp, so claim it today, there is more than heaven to gain, there is a life full of meaning, and a loss of all shame.

You’re meant for so much more, so please take up your pen… your sword, together we strike at Satan and claim proudly that Christ is Lord.

We are free on this day from our sorrows and soars this battle we have won, but suit up dear child, there is still a war.

Today

Today my car is broken down, its completley un-drivable. Today I want to be stressed out, I want to worry about the money, the future, and what ill have to do tomorrow. Today I am trying to figure out Gods plan for me and trying to think that I may have screwed it up. Today I was down in the dumps. Today I was afraid. Today I was anxious. Today I felt like I would be consumed by negativity, but today God has my life in His hands. Today I’m living a life in which I have been completley delivered from my depression, today I am free from the very grips of death, today I am free from the mind that wanted me dead, today I am free, today I am alive, today I shout this battle cry at the top of my lungs. I have no worries I cast it all on Him, my Lord on high. Yahweh, my own personal savior is waking with me today. So in conclusion today, it is well with my soul.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord , “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
1 Peter 5:7 NIV

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:34 NIV

Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life ?
Matthew 6:27 NIV

Some Thoughts and A Poem

I prequisite My newest, poem which I believe to be one of my greatest yet with some of my thoughts. To start I will say that I give all glory to God for the beauty that has ensued in my life as of late and I will proudly spread the message of my God. I will fearlessly stand for what I believe in and know to be true by my experiances.

My depression has been a great oppresion on my life for years now and had plagued my mind in a way that I feared my own self. At my worst if you had asked me what my greatest fear was, I would have answered that I was afraid to one day lose the fight and take my own life, I was deeply afraid to lose sight of what I had left holding me to this life. What I had was my family, friends, my writing, and most importantly God. God can be seen even through the other things that kept me holding on, but one of the things that most truly kept me going was the writing which He had blessed me with. Had I not been able to purge the very cries of my anguished soul onto countless pages I truly would have festered in my own sorrow until I was lost. My writing was my salvation and still is, this salvation does though come by the hand of God.

Now to the purpose behind my newest poem, I in my darker times had come up with how I viewed my depression. The way I viewed my depression was a small boy locked in a small cage inside my head always crying with a lurking beast outside ready to devour him whole. I believe I saw this boy as me in those times, back then I could see no escape. My new poem is about that boys journey, and the deliverance he and I both have found.

“A Boy, A Beast, and A Man”

There was a little boy inside my mind trapped inside a cage, outside was a gnawing beast roaring with great rage!

The boy would cry more and more with each day that passed, never to grow up, never to see what life had in store.

The boy was plagued by this beast with its gnashing claws, he would reach out for help but nothing he reached for would reach back; it all felt relentless, a never ending attack.

The boy was so lost he would have reached for anything that walked by, but the voice that would save him was drowned out by the beast’s horrid cry.

The boy was all but dead until he finally took control, friends and family worked to make his saviors voice louder than that of the beast’s they shouted and shouted for the boy’s release.

The boy finally stood up with the tears fading from his eyes and took hold of the door, it was never locked… and suddenly the cage disappeared.

The monster before him that had looked like Hell it’s self was whimpering beneath his feet with the saviors voice finally loud and clear.

This day a battle was waged and in a swift strike it was done, he heard that voice say don’t worry they can’t hurt you, YOU are MY son.

From this day forth the boy grew into his own following his savior closely, his savior like a river constantly molding and strengthening a stone.

Now this man is not a boy, he now stands firm, the battlefield is empty of enemies but he is surrounded by great soldiers, the angels his savior sent him he finally feels no fear.

This man is free now, freer than he ever thought he could be, so he roams the battlefields searching for those in a cage, he shouts to them with great passion always making sure to be louder than the beasts rage.