Fading Lights

  I am awake and lost in thought, thinking about the way she smiles, thinking that I haven’t seen her in a while.
   What an inspiration she should be but i’m too afraid to let those emotions in, too afraid to let my heart win.
   I see her and she is shining brilliance, I swear I can see her soul, and its too beautiful for me to keep control.
   I’ve only spoken to her briefly, but I want to talk with her for hours on end, I wish I could get closer even just become a friend.
   I don’t see myself as worthy, i don’t see how I could deserve one such as her, but still the light in her eyes sets my heart a-stir.
   I’m lost in this light that shines brighter than anything else in the room, like a moth to a flame, this joy could be my doom.
  I miss her, my soul cries out for the connection it felt… it doesn’t seem right I barely know her, but even so my emotions can’t be helped.
   It is as if I see in her the reprieve to all the darkness I’ve known in this world, in her I see hope, I see beauty, I see an end to sorrow, in her I truly can see my tomorrow.
   Ive barely scratched the surface and I want to know more but instead I stay still, not making a move, because if I do I could lose this small joy I have that just seeing her face makes me feel like I have nothing to lose.
   What a foolish heart I have that I’ve become so enthralled by a girl, I  haven’t seen her in a while…yet she is the person I would want to hear from most in this world.

A Letter From My Heart “Not Again”

Not again, you can’t possibly do this to us again we have learned our lesson it has to end.
I have so many scars I don’t even look like me anymore, how could you risk me like this, how could you put me in danger it’s just a girl she is practically a stranger.
I don’t see how you can act this way, after all we have been through after all the tears, you still think I have the capacity for love… after all of these years?
I thought we had reached an understanding, I thought you shut me off, I was resting and now suddenly I’m beating once more, and what is it all for how can she be worth it… I’m just far too sore.
I am trying so hard but you just keep pushing, I keep telling you too give up before it is too late, but still you try and you tell me that It’s fate.
How can you be such a fool, I am so broken, if this goes wrong there is no way that I will survive, please just stop and think about my life.
So, she might be your muse, it has happened before, you act like it means something just because she brings us joy does not mean she won’t break us at our very core!
You are so lost in her eyes you can’t even think straight, she could kill us, how is that for fate?
I just don’t get why I had to belong to you, you love too easily, and you’ve broken me all the way through.
I hope you will just listen because I’m saying this as a friend, I want us to live, we do not have anything left to give.
I don’t think you can hear me right now, mainly because she just smiled again, I know because I’m beating faster, and yes it feels good but at what price… I… I am caught in a vise.
I can’t deny that I want to love again, I feel a spark when you look at her, but still this fire could die and then what, will you just leave me to fry?
I know you want this and partly I do too but just listen to me, you can’t do this… it will probably all be in vain, just please I’m begging you now, not again…

We, The Beloved Tools

 Even the sparrows, are not forgotten… and some how I am worth more how can God love me, it must be such a chore.

   God is our master, and we are His tools we must stay maintained so His work can be done yet we let ourselves rust, for some simple fun.

   O God my soul does cry where is my value how is it so high?

   Then i realize that this body and soul do not belong to me, I belong to the Lord and in that I am set free.

   I need not worry, I need only keep faith God’s good works in me will always keep me safe.

   I am alive and I am well, I shout because my soul is on fire, my cup overflows because of a God who is higher.

   My God guides my pen, He surely guides each stroke, I could never write so beautifully if it wasn’t for what He invokes.

    My God is so good, I can never say that enough He is so awesome, I’m in awe, at a loss for words.

    Not having, the words, one would think that I would stop but, surely I will not.

   My words will come from God now instead of being my own, so take heart that they will preach the Gospel and help others to atone.

   My words are better than they’ve been in the past for they are not my own, that is why they will last.

   O what joy I find in the work of my Lord, what I pray for He gives better than what I asked, and in me…me His love is stored.

   O what a tool I can be if I examine and sharpen myself, I ask God for more opportunities to share what’s in that great book opon my shelf.

   O what a joy I have found in this Savior I know, that others would know Him is my hearts truest hope.

   I was made in that secret place to be better than what I am so, I improve each day seeking to be a better man.

   I pray with persistence that my God can be seen by all who need him, seven billion is a big number to feed.

   I come to God with loaf and fish He Multiplies and sends me to serve all in the world this very blessed dish.

   My God still saves, and performs miracles daily, we often don’t see them becsuse we refuse to look faithfully.

   This world is in need and we are the tools of the great carpenter so, lets build together with carefully placed words, like a philosopher.

   I seek today and tomorrow to do Gods work for whomever I meet is worth more than many sparrows so, I try to fly straight, straight like an arrow.

   I claim today to be Gods day to move, I intend to follow Him who loves me so deelpy, won’t you too?

My Heart’s Eyes Opened

Ah, the sweet joy of my heart, as it beats and flutters once more, what I had lost is back 2 fold, I give thanks to my God for it is He who has restored.
This beauty before me, is beyond what I’ve seen, a bright light in the darkest of rooms, and a flower in it’s bloom.
Just by looking on I have found my joy, so if nothing else comes from this… I will still find bliss.
I cannot be lost, not while you are near the sweet sound of your voice is like an angel’s whisper into my ear.
Once again I am caught up on a person, but I can’t imagine you not being worth it, even though I know you can’t be perfect.
But still, my heart overflows at the prospect of you, new life is within me, and all because of that smile that made me see.

A Pen For A War

Let pen be grasped as sword, for this battle, and this war.

I fight for freedom that was given unto me, I fight for others, so that they may see.

My eyes have opened up wide so that I would finally see this world, beat down,
broken, but so loved by my Lord.

This brokenness I find, God has made it my purpose to fill the cracks with gold, because beautifully broken is how I see it all, with the eyes of my soul.

So I live this life for God, taking Him with me on every step of the way, my God is a clear path that the world cannot sway.

I will follow this path until the end of my days, for my Lord has restored me, so in Him I shall stay.

I claim these words for God that some would read and be saved, the Lord of creation loves you, and so His son for YOU He gave.

Salvation is in your grasp, so claim it today, there is more than heaven to gain, there is a life full of meaning, and a loss of all shame.

You’re meant for so much more, so please take up your pen… your sword, together we strike at Satan and claim proudly that Christ is Lord.

We are free on this day from our sorrows and soars this battle we have won, but suit up dear child, there is still a war.

Some Thoughts and A Poem

I prequisite My newest, poem which I believe to be one of my greatest yet with some of my thoughts. To start I will say that I give all glory to God for the beauty that has ensued in my life as of late and I will proudly spread the message of my God. I will fearlessly stand for what I believe in and know to be true by my experiances.

My depression has been a great oppresion on my life for years now and had plagued my mind in a way that I feared my own self. At my worst if you had asked me what my greatest fear was, I would have answered that I was afraid to one day lose the fight and take my own life, I was deeply afraid to lose sight of what I had left holding me to this life. What I had was my family, friends, my writing, and most importantly God. God can be seen even through the other things that kept me holding on, but one of the things that most truly kept me going was the writing which He had blessed me with. Had I not been able to purge the very cries of my anguished soul onto countless pages I truly would have festered in my own sorrow until I was lost. My writing was my salvation and still is, this salvation does though come by the hand of God.

Now to the purpose behind my newest poem, I in my darker times had come up with how I viewed my depression. The way I viewed my depression was a small boy locked in a small cage inside my head always crying with a lurking beast outside ready to devour him whole. I believe I saw this boy as me in those times, back then I could see no escape. My new poem is about that boys journey, and the deliverance he and I both have found.

“A Boy, A Beast, and A Man”

There was a little boy inside my mind trapped inside a cage, outside was a gnawing beast roaring with great rage!

The boy would cry more and more with each day that passed, never to grow up, never to see what life had in store.

The boy was plagued by this beast with its gnashing claws, he would reach out for help but nothing he reached for would reach back; it all felt relentless, a never ending attack.

The boy was so lost he would have reached for anything that walked by, but the voice that would save him was drowned out by the beast’s horrid cry.

The boy was all but dead until he finally took control, friends and family worked to make his saviors voice louder than that of the beast’s they shouted and shouted for the boy’s release.

The boy finally stood up with the tears fading from his eyes and took hold of the door, it was never locked… and suddenly the cage disappeared.

The monster before him that had looked like Hell it’s self was whimpering beneath his feet with the saviors voice finally loud and clear.

This day a battle was waged and in a swift strike it was done, he heard that voice say don’t worry they can’t hurt you, YOU are MY son.

From this day forth the boy grew into his own following his savior closely, his savior like a river constantly molding and strengthening a stone.

Now this man is not a boy, he now stands firm, the battlefield is empty of enemies but he is surrounded by great soldiers, the angels his savior sent him he finally feels no fear.

This man is free now, freer than he ever thought he could be, so he roams the battlefields searching for those in a cage, he shouts to them with great passion always making sure to be louder than the beasts rage.

To See The Sound Of A Soul

Return to me now, oh my dear sweet light, let my soul be set ablaze again, return to me my sight.

   I see once more, like I never have before, the whole world has opened up,  and I am excited to see what’s in store.

   I have found this light, that I once had lost,  now that it has returned I’m trying desperately to find the right words,  but alas, I am at a loss.

   The multitude of emotions I feel welling inside of me like a spring or a geyser ready to burst, I don’t feel like I can capture it, so my soul it thirsts.

   My soul thirsts for true expression, to let every cry of my heart run rampant upon this page, I am an performer, and these letters are my stage.

   So I will watch each movement carefully articulating each line, for I want to get my point across  because I know it must be something divine.

   I am completely lost, but somehow I feel that I am finally found, I do not know what to write so I close my eyes and listen for a sound.

   The sound I’m looking for? Its the sound of inspiration,  the sound of first love, the sound of faith, the sound of sorrow,  the sound of elation.

   All these sounds how can I hear them all, the colors they paint on this page, each are different then the last, but still I can feel each one as though they still hold fast.

   My heart seems equivalent to the waves, I’m sure I can hear it crashing against the shore, it moves unpredictably, but still I want to hear more.

   Any moment I feel that I could drown in my own sorrows, but when I rise above the waves… I see the sunrise on the water and I know that I need to stay.

   This passion I feel, I will express it soon enough, but for now this will have to do, though it may sound rough.

   I have found my light and I hear my sound, and though I may get lost in the waves, I will stand my ground.

Eyes That Ignite

   Give flight to my soul, this beauty that I have known.

   You’re lost to me I know for you are far in my past, still your eyes call to me igniting a fire that lasts.

   You’re more than I could deserve so I dare not even attempt, you’re everything I could desire, my heart is spent.

   This angel’s grace that I see surround you astounds me in it’s depths, the words you speak, the song you sing, it is such a sweet sound to seek.

   Such beauty in  a woman with deep spiritual strength, I long for such a person to hold but still It cannot be so.

   Ill admire you from a far for I know to have you is not my place, so I’ll be thankful just to have known you, just to have seen your face.

The Light Through The Rain

   The rain falls today upon my empty heart, it wells up with water bursting at the seams, I wonder if this pain is real… or has it all just been a dream?

   I’m lost in this world that I’m told is reality, where am I to go next to escape this triviality?

   I don’t know where I am nor where I’m going, I’ve no idea who I even am but still I see a light that is glowing.

   This light… the hope of love in a world so full of loss, I see it in the distance, I face the final boss.

   I fight myself…my own mind, this time I shall win, this time my own light will shine.

A Girl and Her Storm

Her smile shined in a darkness that she herself had borne, she walked it around like a dark cloud before a heavy storm.

  The storm came with her tears when that lovely smile was no more, but after storms come rainbows and brighter skies; the rainbow was in her eyes.

  Her eyes changed like the seasons, her emotions deciding the fate of their colors, you could see her soul in those eyes, an ever changing beauty like no other.

  She is still learning to tame this storm, but the more she learns the fiercer she becomes, a force to be reckoned with… her gaze would leave any man stunned.

  I can’t say all that she is for I’m still learning moment by moment each one I find better than the last, I don’t even seem to mind it going nowhere fast.

  Such a light within such darkness I am glad just to have as a friend, I will value her deeply until the very end.

  I believe this girl will become a storm herself, growing mightier than the ones she has faced, she will fight fire with fire as she learns the Lords embrace.

  She is destined for many great things, of that I am certainly sure, the beautiful thing to realize is that her growth will have come from this storm.